Waterboarding Your Cat

Water boarding has been in the news lately, but it has been well known to the American Army ever since the Spanish American War of 1898 left the USA ruling a lot of truculent people in the Philippines. Simulated drowning, called the "water cure", was used to force potential terrorists to give up information. It continues to be used today, for ostensibly the same purpose. The justification for using water boarding was that it was a means to an end which justified the practice.

It is for those same reasons that I advocate water boarding domestic cats for the purpose of administering pills. The cat in the picture has been medicated several times with the water board technique (AKA the Gestapo Method), and this has enabled him to recover from fights with large rats which infest our neighborhood. The procedure is as follows:

1. Position pill and dish of water with spoon on table beside chair.

2 . Sit down on chair with cat wrapped in towel.

3. Hold cat upside down in lap and force jaws open with fingers of left hand.

4. Drop pill in back of throat and follow with a spoonful of water, while holding cat in position upside down with jaws forced open. Cat must swallow or drown.

5. Take advantage of the moment to interrogate kitty about any feline crimes or plots that have not been uncovered.

6. Hold the cat and pet it for a while after administering the pill. NEVER let the cat think that it escaped from you and somehow won!